'ymeya' 

A short play
Dramatis personae (who's in it):
Doctor Grey – a distinguished Scottish gentleman, a GP for many years 
Mrs Green – a nervous type who plays with a wisp of hair as she speaks
Mr Brown – an angry type who rarely listens
A nurse – 'bit part' – no name – just answers an intercom and ushers patients into the surgery.

Act One Scene One – Doctor Grey’s surgery
Doctor Grey is sitting at his desk using an intercom.
Dr Grey: “Send in the next patient please nurse.”
Nurse (over the intercom): “Very well doctor.”
A few moments later Mrs Green enters the surgery and is asked to sit down.
Dr Grey: “Now then lassie, what seems to be the trouble?”
Mrs Green: “Doctor, I am so glad you could see me. I can't sleep at night because my mind keeps replaying over and over, ‘Why me? Why?’ I think my family are to blame. My grown children are constantly borrowing money from me. They never even phone or text me or come to see me unless they want something. My husband is just as bad. He works all the time, and when he does come home, he watches football on TV and then falls asleep in the chair. I deserve some appreciation and conversation! I didn't ask for this! I keep asking, ‘Why me? Why? <more agitated> Why, I say? Why?’”
Dr Grey: “Aye, well, lassie, there’s a lot of it about. We have been getting a lot of patients lately who have the same symptoms. Aye, it’s sounds like 'ymeya'.
Mrs Green: “Is there anything you can give me for it doctor?”
Dr Grey: “ Oh aye there is, and I will, but first I need to see my last patient. Just go back to the waiting room, then in a few minutes I will write you out a prescription.”
Mrs Green: “Thank you doctor, you have no idea how grateful I am.”

Act One Scene Two – same surgery, different patient
Dr Grey (on intercom): “Would you send the next patient in please?”
Mr Brown enters, sits down and immediately talks.
Mr Brown: “Doc, thanks for seeing me. I think I am going crazy! I can't keep these angry thoughts out of my head. In fact I have started talking to myself and I keep saying, ‘Why?’”
Dr Grey: “When did you first notice this happening?”
Mr Brown does not really listen and just carries on talking. 
Mr Brown: “My neighbour is ruining my life. I am a good person. I’m fair, I ‘m honest and I’m hard working. I pay all my taxes and bills.  But my neighbour! Sheesh! He’s just lazy and dishonest. His garden is a mess. He doesn’t have a job. He just watches TV all day then he’s down the pub every night. I'm sure he’s claiming more than he should off the social.”
Dr Grey makes a second attempt at interjection. Mr Brown ignores and continues.
Mr Brown: “Anyway, you’ll never guess what’s happened? He’s only gone and won the lottery! Can you believe it? < getting angrier> Why reward someone like him with all that money when he will waste it all? I know what will happen. It will be showing off with a new car outside for starters and then it will be the mega-huge TV being delivered. He will flaunt his wealth trying to make me jealous whilst I try to make my salary pay for bills and food. Why do I have to live next door to him? I keep asking, ‘Why? Why?’”
Dr Grey: “Och, that’s a very bad case of 'ymeya'. I’ll write you out a prescription immediately!”
Mr Brown: “Oh, thanks doc! I’m losing sleep over it!”
Dr Grey: “I have another patient in the waiting room. I would like to give you your prescriptions together.”

Act One Scene Three – still the same surgery but patients from Scenes One and Two are present
Dr Grey (on intercom): “Please send Mrs Green back into the surgery.”
Mrs Green re-enters the surgery.
Dr Grey (to Mrs Green): “Please do take a seat. This is Mr Brown and you both have a vicious attack of 'ymeya'. I wish to give you your prescriptions at the same time.”
Mrs Green looks at Mr Brown with a puzzled expression.
Mr Brown looks at Mrs Green, equally puzzled.
Mr Brown: “Say doc, is that really ethical?”
Dr Grey: “For what I have to say and what I prescribe, yes. You both have a serious attack of 'ymeya' and these are the symptoms:
Dr Grey lifts up a chart and reads from it.
Dr Grey: "1. Focusing solely on yourself and your problems. 2. Blaming people, circumstances or God for your problems. 3. Feeling like you do not have the good life you deserve."
Both Mr Brown and Mrs Green splutter and begin to protest. Dr Grey ignores them and continues.
Dr Grey: “Here is your prescription.”
Dr Grey hands a piece of paper to both patients.
Dr Grey: “If you take this medicine faithfully, you will improve. Hopefully all your symptoms will go away and you will feel much better. The prescription is for at least one dose in the morning and a repeat dose in the evening. Unlike other medicines, you can take this one as often as you like; in fact, the more you take the better you will feel. Oh, and there is no prescription charge to pay.”
Mrs Green and Mr Brown look surprised, but have begun to take a little interest in what the doctor is saying.
Dr Grey: “Let's go over the instructions. Medicine number one: Read this verse from the Bible each morning when you get up and again just before going to sleep. ‘I have learned to be content in whatever state I find myself’ It is from Philippians Chapter 4 Verse 11. These words were written by a man named Paul when he was in prison. Funny words to be writing from prison, but he meant them. Medicine number two: Read Psalm 100 verse three, both morning and evening, ‘Be thankful to the Lord and bless his name.’ Take these medications for two weeks, then make an appointment with the nurse to see me again so you may let me know how you feel."

Please note: You may find it easier to pronounce 'ymea' as follows: Why me? Why? Eh?

And a reminder: The opinions expressed in this article are the author’s own. They do not necessarily reflect those of The Methodist Church or Trentham Methodist Church or Hubb.church. Please take what you liked and leave the rest.